Here is the third in my very occasional series of ways people write that really bother me. Today we are focusing on misused phrases. 1) Should of (and could of, would of, etc.), or "Brother, can you help a verb?" I mostly see this hideous abomination from the younger crowd. Apparently grammar is no longer a requirement in today's elementary schools, or they would have learned that "of" is NOT A VERB, DAMMIT! It's "have". As in "I have used a helping verb correctly." Only in thi...

Here's some stuff I think more people should read... Anything by Doris Lessing, but particularly: Canopus in Argos: Archives (a 5-book series; read 'em all!) Briefing for a Descent into Hell (very strange and thought-provoking) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey. You can watch the movie instead, it's a pretty good adaptation. Lord of the Flies by William Golding. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess. You can w...

In another blog's comments, I mentioned something about "he not only didn't know it, he didn't know that he didn't know it." Here I will take the opportunity, for those of you who are unaware of it, to expound upon the theory behind that statement. Basically this theory (whose source, unfortunately, I do not recall) breaks things into 4 levels of competence, which is further refined into two levels of awareness and two of knowledge, linked together thus: Ignorant Educated ...

A while ago Gideon posted a couple of poems he'd created from amusing or interesting blog titles. Well, today I noticed a couple of very amusing juxtaposed blog titles and, always being willing to steal a good idea, thought I'd have a go at making a poem of sorts out of them. This is more in line with the Exquisite Corpse style of poetry (see here for a full explanation), but I think it's quite amusing in its own little way. I took titles strictly in chronological order (at the time)...

A while ago Gideon posted a couple of poems he'd created from amusing or interesting blog titles. Well, today I noticed a couple of very amusing juxtaposed blog titles and, always being willing to steal a good idea, thought I'd have a go at making a poem of sorts out of them. This is more in line with the Exquisite Corpse style of poetry (see here for a full explanation), but I think it's quite amusing in its own little way. I took titles strictly in chronological order (at the time)...

Okay, the refrigerator saga is finally drawing to a close. (recap: fridge broke. wait 3 weeks for part. Wrong part. pick replacement fridge. wait for delivery.) Yesterday our replacement fridge was delivered, and today it is just as cold inside as the old one ever was. Yay! And it's even a little nicer than the old one (it's a "gold" model, with clear shelves on the doors, and two freezer pull-out baskets instead of one). Now I just have to get the water supply tube re-attached (fo...

Okay, the refrigerator saga is finally drawing to a close. (recap: fridge broke. wait 3 weeks for part. Wrong part. pick replacement fridge. wait for delivery.) Yesterday our replacement fridge was delivered, and today it is just as cold inside as the old one ever was. Yay! And it's even a little nicer than the old one (it's a "gold" model, with clear shelves on the doors, and two freezer pull-out baskets instead of one). Now I just have to get the water supply tube re-attached (fo...

 Conspicuous Concupiscence of Littoral Lovers fetid feta fungus ferments frequently, fumigates funhouse I produced more smoke than heat i'm only satisfied when rolling on the floor I tried so hard not to remember... A lovely flower has no petals She looked at him with wondering eyes, what IS that fanky smell? Shimoga is a town and a nice town it is Angels don't sing in the style of Troubadour A fine layer of dust coated everything.

You may have read my two articles so far about my refrigerator tribulations ( here and here ). Basic story: a month ago my fridge broke, new compressor had to be ordered, repair person didn't show up when they were supposed to. Well. Today I burned another vacation day waiting for the repair person. I am happy to say, this time at least she showed up, albeit at 2:00 pm instead of between 8:00 and noon as promised, but hey, she was here, which is more than we could say last time. S...

"Vitriolic." Yes, it's a good word. Interesting, eye-catching even. But I've seen it an awful lot in the last few days and I think it's time we collectively exercised our vocabulary to come up with a few good alternatives. Something like: Nasty. Mean. Caustic. Hateful. Antagonistic. Hostile. Rancorous. Acerbic. Acidic. Acidulous. Antipathic. Full of Animosity. Vindictive. Loatheful. Malignant. Bitter. Spiteful. Bile-laden. Malevolent. With malice. Come on, peo...

Ever see a company targeted to such a small market segment that you couldn't believe it even existed? A long time ago some friends and I brainstormed this list of companies that we'd like to see filling in various market niches. (disclaimer: I only came up with about 15% of these myself.) Larry's Japanese Garden Removal, Inc. Peanut Butter and Okra Sandwich Stand Dental Floss Personal Tutoring Services Learning to Read Paper Tape Johnson and Phillip's Simian Removal Service ...

Ever see a company targeted to such a small market segment that you couldn't believe it even existed? A long time ago some friends and I brainstormed this list of companies that we'd like to see filling in various market niches. (disclaimer: I only came up with about 15% of these myself.) Larry's Japanese Garden Removal, Inc. Peanut Butter and Okra Sandwich Stand Dental Floss Personal Tutoring Services Learning to Read Paper Tape Johnson and Phillip's Simian Removal Service ...

Three weeks ago now, I wrote a little article about how my fridge broke. (See it in all its glory here! ) This past Friday I called the repair people and asked them when I could expect the part we need to arrive. Well, apparently it had already arrived and they were just too stupid to dial either of the phone numbers I gave them on three separate occasions to set up the appointment to get the part installed. But okay, I'm a calm and reasonable fellow, and the guy on the other end was...

So in one of my other posts ( here ) I talked about the Exquisite Corpse, and how the poems "by" him are actually created. Here now for your viewing pleasure is a poem by the Exquisite Corpse, courtesy of a variety of JoeUser regulars!     Penal Implants in the Penile Colony It is long past time for it to begin: Do you want me to sing you a song? It's a hillbilly song. and once upon a darkling night a backwards goat did ride... I suck and have nothing to offe...

So in one of my other posts ( here ) I talked about the Exquisite Corpse, and how the poems "by" him are actually created. Here now for your viewing pleasure is a poem by the Exquisite Corpse, courtesy of a variety of JoeUser regulars!     Penal Implants in the Penile Colony It is long past time for it to begin: Do you want me to sing you a song? It's a hillbilly song. and once upon a darkling night a backwards goat did ride... I suck and have nothing to offe...